


More Than You Think You Are

by FirstAde



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Domestic Clexa, F/F, Fluff, Healing, Implied/Referenced Cheating, POV Second Person, Self-Acceptance, Self-Esteem Issues, Soulmates, soft clexa, the healing power of love, there is a puppy mentioned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-03
Updated: 2017-05-03
Packaged: 2018-10-27 16:39:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,710
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10812834
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FirstAde/pseuds/FirstAde
Summary: “The only thing I know is when I kiss you the rest of the world melts away. It’s just you and me, and I’m not this broken mess.”OrThis is the story of 24 hours in Lexa's life. The day she sees her ex for the first time in 8 years. There are flash backs to how she got to this day. (Also I was challenged to write in 2nd person, and this is what came of it.)





	More Than You Think You Are

**Author's Note:**

> All mistakes are my own, since I have no beta.

You walk briskly along the familiar sidewalk on your way to the diner you used to frequent all those years ago when you lived in this neighborhood. The bitter chill of this winter morning nips at you and you pull on the collar of your favorite peacoat, trying to block some of the wind. It doesn’t help. As you approach the door, you think back to last week when you first discussed this little meeting.

_“She wants to see you. To apologize, explain herself.”_

_“I don’t care, Anya.”_

_Anya sighs and shakes her head defeatedly. “I know you don’t Lexa, that you say you don’t anyway. Just promise me you’ll think about it?”_

_You scoff. You don’t know why she cares, why it matters. You’ve been happy for years now and she knows that. She's not only your cousin, but she's one of your best friends. “Why? Why did she call you? Why didn’t she call me herself?”_

_“You know why.” Anya crosses her arms over her chest. “You’re stubborn as fuck, you would have hung up as soon as you heard her voice. Slammed the door in her face if she showed up here.”_

“You’re damn straight.”

_“Not really.” She tries to make the joke, but you’re too wound up to appreciate it, even though you normally would. Instead you just glare. “Anyway, she called me because before you two dated, I was her friend. Do you even remember that?”_

_“I remember, Ahn. I also remember that she’s the one who took off and left all of us. She's the one that asked you not to contact her anymore. She made that choice, not me.” Your ex was Anya’s friend for five years before you moved to their town at the beginning of high school._

_“I know.” She looked down at the hardwood of your living room floor, sheepishly. “Just please, think about it. Discuss it with -”_

_“My wife is my number one priority. Of course I will discuss it with her.”_

_Anya sighs again as her shoulders drop. “Okay. Let me know what you decide.”_

Your hand reaches for the metal handle as the door begins to open, you have to sidestep the young boy trying to help his mother, who is carrying a car seat. You grab the door above the boy’s head to hold it open and offer the mother a soft smile as she thanks you and reaches for her son’s hand. Once inside, you let the door swing freely, then take a deep breath and look around the room for your ex-girlfriend. Your gaze moves slowly, taking in the room. This diner has always been busy, a neighborhood staple.

Way back when, the waitresses all knew you, called you both by your first names, you knew them too. You often asked about their kids, their families, but that was a lifetime ago. Or so it felt.

You come to find the woman you are looking for in the back corner booth, the one you always shared.

From a distance you can see some things about her have changed in the years it’s been since you’ve seen her. She looks fuller, in a healthy way. You remember those arguments you had back then about her undiagnosed emotional and eating disorders. You tried to help her, tell her how beautiful and perfect she was, suggest she see someone. It never seemed to work. It always ended with either an argument or sex but never any progress. You realized a few years ago, she used sex to shut you up on most occasions. You did your research a while back and decided she might have been bipolar. You’re no doctor, but the signs were all there.

Her hair is longer too. When you were together she always had it cut short, a bob that just brushed her shoulders. Now though, it was longer, falling almost to the middle of her back, even in a pony tail. She has colored it as well, her natural color being blonde, it is now a deep auburn.

When you get within ten feet of the table, she looks up at you from her focal point in the middle of the empty table with sad eyes. Eight years ago, those eyes would have broken your resolve right then and there. But this isn’t eight years ago, and she is no longer the woman you love. The woman you love is at home, giving up her Sunday morning cuddles with you for this little endeavor. She is the one who encouraged you come here today, that you get closure.

_“Anya called me.”_

_You sigh and run your hands up and down your face attempting to rid yourself of your frustration. She doesn’t deserve for you to take it out on her, none of this is her fault. “She shouldn’t have. I’m twenty nine years old and capable of discussing things with my wife.”_

_“I know Lex, that’s what I told her. But you know Anya, she must be heard.” You feel her arms slip around your shoulders as she leans into place a kiss on your cheek. You’re sitting at your desk in the house you bought together last year after the wedding, writing the next novel in your book series. You know she’s just arrived home from her client meeting. She places a second kiss on your jaw and you hum, slowly swiveling the chair so you are facing her. She laughs when you open your arms, silently offering your lap. She places one knee on the outside of your right thigh. “I’m so glad you got the oversized chair. It’s so comfy.”_

_She lifts the other leg to properly straddle your lap and you smirk. Her hands slide up your chest and wrap around the back of your neck as she presses her lips to yours. You grip her thighs and squeeze once, then pull her tighter to your body with your hands in the back pockets of her jeans. She hums and her thumb strokes your cheek as you greedily accept her tongue._

_You love her like this, well you love her in every way, but especially like this. When she takes the lead and gives you exactly what you need, even when you don’t know what that is. Right now you just need her, and she knows it. She pulls back and places her forehead on yours. “I love you Lexa, I am so glad I have you in my life. I’d be so lost without you.” She whispers._

_Her words ignite a fire in your chest, and even though words are your livelihood, right now you have no ability to form them. You stand holding her tightly to your body, and she gasps in shock. You make your way quickly to your bedroom, intent on showing her all the feelings you can’t seem to verbalize right now._

_You lay together after, your head on her stomach as she runs her fingers through your hair. You’ve developed a habit of drawing shapes on her hip bones when they are exposed. You let her think that is your favorite part of her body, but it’s not. It’s her collar bones, you love to nip at them and draw the little mewling sounds out of her. “I don’t want to see her.”_

_She hums, motions through your hair never stopping. “Why not?”_

_“Why should I? She broke me.”_

_“I respectfully disagree.” You shake your head against her, but she doesn’t let you fight her. “You may have had a few sizable dents in your armor that needed some repair when we met, but that just means you lived. Life is painful and heartbreaking sometimes, but it’s those experiences that help mold us into the people we are meant to be.”_

_She’s right and you know it. If you hadn’t gone through the pain of losing Costia, you would have never buried yourself in your work. You would have never been on that book tour and met Clarke in that hotel bar. You would have never learned what a healthy relationship with the love of your life could be like. You kiss the soft skin just above her bellybutton, for no other reason than because you can. “Do you think I should meet with her?”_

_“I think that decision is yours alone to make. I do think you might need some closure. If you don’t want to go because you think I’ll be upset that you are meeting with your ex, you’re wrong. I trust you with every fiber of my being.”_

_“Okay.”_

_Her fingers still in your hair. “Okay? Okay, you’ll do it?”_

_“Okay, I’ll think about it.”_

_“Okay.”_

“Lexa, hey. It’s nice to see you.” She stands awkwardly from the table and shoves her hands in her pockets. You notice, now that you’re closer, that she looks older than she is. Not significantly older, but she looks like she is in her mid-thirties when she’s only just hit that decade a few months ago.

You’re trying your hardest to be polite, but you really don’t want to be here. You don’t want to give her the time of day, not after the way she left, not after how she hurt you. So when you say her name it comes out with bite, with venom. You don't mean it but you do at the same time. “Costia.” You slide into the booth, leaving her awkwardly standing next to the table. She slowly moves to sit back down and you huff slightly. The air between you is stiff, awkward. You knew it would be, assumed it would be. “Why am I here?”

“I want to apologize. I need to apologize.” She opens her mouth to begin when she is interrupted by the waitress. Costia orders coffee, you ask for a water and she leaves as quick as she came. Costia pauses a second time, looking at you like she used to when she was nervous about something, and you feel a twist in your gut. Just the one small look from her is enough of a remider to bring back the physical pain of the night you came home from class to find her, and everything she owned, gone.

_“Cos!” You shout as you enter the apartment. You drop your backpack into the armchair in the livingroom like you do every evening. The apartment is quiet, more so than usual. Your girlfriend normally has some sort of soft instrumental playing as she works on her homework. She’s been your girlfriend since junior year of highschool, friends since freshman year, and your life revolves around her. She’s been the one constant in your life besides your two cousins, Anya and Lincoln, for the last seven years. “Cos! I’m home, what do you want to do for dinner? I was thinking Thai.” When there is still no response, you venture down the hall to your bedroom. The door is open, but you don’t see Costia anywhere, when you turn toward the window, you notice there are no clothes in her side of the closet. You look around frantically shouting her name. You make it back to the kitchen, and that’s when you see it. A letter. It's handwritten in the same script as Costia pens._

_You read it. Then again and again, not believing what it says. She cheated. She's pregnant. She's gone back to her family in Omaha._

_She's gone._

_She left you._

_She cheated._

_You weren't enough for her._

_She's gone._

_You’ll never be enough for anyone._

“I know I hurt you when I left. With what I did. I never, ever wanted that.” Her voice pulls you out of the memory and for that you are somewhat grateful for that. “But I had to go.” You know she expects you to react, to respond, but you didn’t come here to hear yourself speak. You stare, with a clenched jaw, until she gets the hint to continue. “I wasn’t in the right mindset, you know that. I had so many issues and I know. I know you tried to help me. I should have let you.”

“Yeah, you should have.” She nods and you really don’t know what else there is to say. She apologized, everyone can just move on now, right? “Why, after all this time, did you think this was necessary?”

“I, um. My daughter, Lily, she’s  seven now. She asked me a few months ago if I have ever been in love with anyone beside Roan, my fiance. I told her yes, and I told her about you. When she asked why you weren’t around anymore I told her I made a mistake that hurt you very badly and I regretted it. She informed me that when you hurt someone’s feelings, you have to apologize. I have been a coward about this for so long. I don't want to set that example for her.”

“Sounds like you’re raising her right.” You say with a lopsided half smile. She smiles softly at you and it slowly morphs into a frown.

“The way I left, it was wrong. I should have stayed, told you in person.”

You sigh, because you know the truth. As much as you don’t care about alleviating her pain in anyway, you feel the need to tell her your feelings. “I’m glad you didn’t.”

“I know- wait, what?” She looks confused. You expected that though. Over the past few years you have come to believe, as Clarke does, that everything happens the way it should.

“Eight years ago, I was so in love with you. If you would have stayed and talked to me, told me about your affair in person, I would have probably wanted to work it out. I would have wanted to be there for you, for the baby. Help you.” You take a sip of your water and she looks at you like you have two heads. “After reading your letter and you asking Lincoln and Anya to cut contact, I spiralled out of control. I was so hurt, my trust in people so thoroughly broken that I isolated myself from the world. When I did go out, I found some meaningless fuck and moved on. I was like that for four years, and looking back it was actually awful, but I wrote my first two books in that time. If you had stayed and we worked it out, that wouldn’t have happened.”

“I see.”

“Not yet, you don’t. When I had my first book published a little over four years ago, I was still an emotional mess. My manager, Raven, she insisted that I do a book tour and signing when I hit the bestsellers list. The last stop was in New York. I had taken up the habit of drinking whiskey in the hotel bars to deal with not being able to isolate myself.”

_You stride up to the bar and settle in a chair near the middle. The bartender, Kevin you soon learn, throws down a coaster and asks you to pick your poison. An old fashioned is your current drink of choice, which he seems to respect._

_“So many young women tonight who have learned to appreciate the finer things in life.” He chuckles slightly at himself and walks to the other end of the bar, leaving you somewhat confused. That feeling is alleviated when the blonde next to you turns in her chair just enough to face you and tilts her glass in a silent toast. You are blindsided by how stunning she is and drawn in instantaneously by those entrancing blue eyes. Then, she does something that you instantly regret seeing. She smiles. She smiles, and you hate it because you are so fucked. Your stomach is quite possibly in an Olympic tumbling competition hosted inside your body at this very moment._

_“You've made a great choice. Kevin makes the best old fashioned in the city. Isn't that right Kevin?” She shouts down to the barkeep and you can't help but smile because her voice is amazing. It's mirth and sex mingling perfectly, and you never want it to end._

_“Don't listen to her, miss. She's a drunk.” He shouts back and she tosses her head back in laughter. You have to revise your previous thought, you never want this sound to end._

_“When the drunks are complementing your services, Kevin, you really should roll with it.” You speak before you even think, something that puzzles you. In the past four years you have avoided interacting with people so vehemently that over thinking your dialogue has plagued you on your book tour. It's caused awkward pauses with fans and you hate it._

_She smiles again, this time it's directed fully at you. You almost ask Kevin for the sharpest spoon he has to scoop your heart out and just hand it over to her so you can avoid the inevitable breaking she'll do. She going to ruin what's left of you and you know it. “And always listen to the advice of pretty girls, Kevin. That's how you land one.”_

_You smirk at her, as Kevin sets down your glass and thanks you for your advice. “So, is that how you land pretty girls? Listening to their advice and using it on them?”_

_She hums as she swallows the sip she has just taken from her near empty glass. “I hope so.” You raise a questioning brow and it's her turn to smirk. “Do you have any advice I should follow?”_

_She's smooth, you'll give her that. Smooth and beautiful and confident and sexy. So fucking sexy. “Blondes are trouble.”_

_She smiles again, this time big and goofy and you love it. “I guess it's a good thing you're a brunette isn't it? I'm Clarke.” She sticks her hand out and yours moves automatically to grasp it._

_“Lexa.”_

_“Lexa, it's seventy eight degrees of beautiful New York sunshine outside and there is a bar on the roof, would you like to join me up there?”_

_“And leave Kevin? I don't know…” You joke because you're obviously going to follow her. She knows it just as well as you do. You hear Kevin laugh and he says he'll make you two more for the road. You finish your first quickly and stand from the barstool, offering your hand for stability as Clarke moves to do the same._

_“So chivalrous. Thank you. Kevin, please put these on my room tab.”_

_“Of course, Miss Griffin. Have a great night ladies.”_

_The ride up in the elevator is shared with three drunk frat boys, but Clarke is leaning into you and you couldn't care less about the other occupants. When you arrive, it's just what you are expecting. Two dozen high top tables and chairs and a bar. Above you as you walk to a table are strings of lights creating an intimate ambiance._

_“This is interesting.”_

_She hums and nods in agreement. “There's better. San Francisco, Chicago, LA. The skyline views are amazing.”_

_“You must travel a lot. Business or pleasure?”_

_“Business. I'm an artist. I travel to wherever the commission's take me if need be. I spend most of my time home though, in LA. You?”_

_“LA, huh?” You're surprised, but also excited. You live in Los Angeles as well, and you have never believed in fate before, but you are starting to. You shake that train of thought of because there is no way she would want you for more than tonight. “Me too, I'm a writer.”_

_“I have a stack of books I'm supposed to read back at home. My best friend keeps me in the loop with the popular stuff. Are you popular, Lexa?” You don't know when it happened, when she got this close, but she's pressing against you and running her finger down the lapel of your jacket. You clear your throat slightly and take a sip of your drink._

_“I am slightly, yes.”_

_“Anything I've heard of?”_

_“Possibly. I wrote Grounders.”_

_Her jaw drops slightly. “That's a Times best seller. I know for a fact that's in my stack of books from Octavia because she wouldn't shut up about it and how she wanted to be a grounder.” You chuckle, because you hear that a lot. Especially over this book tour. “Is that why you're here?” You nod. “How many books have you written for the series?”_

_“One that's published. The second is finished and the third is about halfway done.”_

_“That's so sexy.” She husks. You decide then that she shouldn't be allowed to say that word around you._

_“You think being a word nerd is sexy?”_

_She laughs again. You love it. “I am an artist, I paint what I can see. Sometimes I see things that other people don't, and even when I try to explain it, they still won't. But you, and that big brain of yours, can imagine and write down a whole new world for people to see when they close their eyes. They can immerse themselves in your universe. That is totally sexy.”_

_She's even closer now, and she nearly whispers the last part and you can help it. You've known her for all of twenty minutes and you know right now, you're done for. Your hand that has been on the table this whole time goes to her waist, while your other comes up to her face, cradling her cheek. You lean in slowly, savouring the anticipation of those excitement charged moments that flutter through your body just before you kiss someone for the first time. Your lips touch, barely brush, and you know you're already addicted. Then she pushes up on her toes and connects your lips fully, and for a brief second, you swear your heart stops. That you have to be dead. She pulls back far too soon for your liking, but she makes up for it._

_“Someone once told me that blondes are trouble. Want to find out how much?” You do, god you do. So you drain the last of the liquid from your cup and let her lead you off the roof and back to her room._

“If you hadn't left the way you did, I would have never met Clarke. She is, I'm not saying this to hurt you in any way, the single greatest thing to ever happen to me.” You see a small frown on your ex lover's face. “Just like Lily is for you, I'm sure.”

She brightens slightly at the mention of her daughter. It strikes you then, that if things had gone differently, had Costia stayed, Lily would more than likely be considered your daughter too. It sombers you for a moment, the thought of having a little one. You close your eyes briefly and you can see it, him. A mini male version of Clarke, all blonde hair and blue eyed. He's running around the back yard with Lucky, the golden retriever your wife convinced you to buy three months ago, he's giggling up a storm as you stand on the patio with Clarke wrapped in your arms. Your vision is snuffed by the voice of your lunch companion.

“She is.”

“Then there is really nothing more to say, is there? In hindsight, yes, you caused me pain. But you also gave me so much joy. So thank you. I wish you the best in your life. I hope nothing but good things for you, Roan and your daughter. I hope he loves you even more than I used too, and this time you don't let him go. I forgive you.” You stand, and drop a few dollar bills on the table. It's time to go, you need to go back home to Clarke.

“Thank you, Lexa.” She nearly whispers, she sounds sincere. You see then that you needed to say those words just as much as she needed to hear them.

“Oh. And remember that Anya and Lincoln used to think of you as family. I wasn't the only one you hurt back then.”

She nods. You know she's been in contact with them both recently and they were taking the reintroduction to her life slowly.

You hurry out of the dinner back to your car, back through those old familiar streets to the new familiar ones. You park in the garage and make your way through the house to where you assume you'll find her and you do. She's perched, cross-legged on the couch with the puppy in her lap, glasses on, red pen in hand, reading the first unedited copy of your sixth novel. You gave it to her this morning, she always says it's her favorite surprise from you, being the first to read your work.

She never asks you how the writing is going, just like you don't ask how pieces are coming along. You both know how many people are waiting for works from both of you, and neither of you wants to add pressure. You are a power couple in the arts world. Her pieces sell for a minimum half million and your books are the most pre-ordered in history, each novel surpassing the last and breaking your own record. You both know the pressure the other is under to produce. That's not to say work is an unspoken topic, you just allow one another to bring up something if it is to be discussed. For instance, Clarke helped you come up with the gear shaped emblem the leader of the Grounders in adorned with in your third novel.

You stand there, leaning one shoulder on the wall in the entryway of your living room, watching as she scrunches her nose up at something then writes in the margin.

“That bad, huh?” You watch as she jumps slightly, gasps, then places a hand over her heart. “Sorry.”

“You sneak.”

“I promise that was unintentional.” You hold your hands up in mock surrender until her scowl turns into a smile. You make your way toward the couch, and she shifts Lucky off of her lap and onto the floor, then sprawls out with her back against the armrest. The puppy licks your hand when you bend down to pet him, then scampers off to his bed. Your attention returns to your wife. “What did you write?”

“You'll get my notes when I'm done, you know the drill.” She sticks the pen in the booklet and places it on the coffee table as you join her on the couch, draping your body over hers. Your right hand slips under the soft cotton of her T-shirt, one that you're almost positive is your T-shirt, and you splay your fingers over soft skin just because you want contact. You lay there for a while, you're not really sure how long, before she speaks. “How'd it go? I called Raven and told her to draft a statement just in case I needed to bail you out of jail later.”

You laugh. Simply because it's ridiculous. She knows just as well as you do you would never physically fight Costia. You laugh for several seconds, and when it subsides, you kiss her.

“It was awkward.” You recount everything for her, tell her how she apologized and how you thanked her. “I'm glad I went.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Mmhmm.” You nuzzle her face into her neck and kiss just below her ear. “You were right, I needed the closure.”

“Mark this day in history, I have been proclaimed was right as by the all mighty Lexa Woods.” She giggles and it's infectious, you start too.

“There is a first time for everything you know.” You remove yourself from the couch, from her, and hold out your hand. “Come on love, let's go get some lunch.”

She cocks her brow at you, questioning. “Didn't you just eat?”

You shake your head. “We didn't get that friendly.”

The drive to your favorite sandwich shop is quiet. Clarke holds your hand over the center console and plays with your fingers. Something she has done since that first day.

_“You have strong hands.” She tells you, her head on your chest as she traces your fingers with her own. You don't respond, you just kiss the top of her head, breathing in and closing your eyes. You want this evening to last forever, to pretend that you're not broken and angry and not good enough for her. She shifts, in that moment, like she knows what's going through your head. Your eyes meet and she frowns slightly. “Who hurt you?”_

_You sigh. “My first and only girlfriend of five years. Who hurt you?”_

_“How do you know someone hurt me?”_

_You shrug slightly. “Takes one to know one, and you knew.”_

_She nods into your chest, then fixates on your fingers again. “My college boyfriend of nearly a year. I was apparently his side chick. Silly me, I was so in love with him.”_

_You intertwine your fingers with hers before you elaborate on your story. You haven't talked about Costia in four years, and never to a stranger, but Clarke doesn’t feel like a stranger. “Mine cheated and got knocked up. Moved back to Nebraska while I was in class one day. All I got was a letter.”_

_“Ouch. That's rough.” There is a long pause before she shifts to look into your eyes. Neither one of you speak, you both just look at each other. She kisses you after a moment, and for whatever reason it makes you feel good about yourself. The self deprecating thoughts start to creep in soon after and you know that flutter in your chest is only the calm before the storm. That it's inevitable that Clarke will find out how desperately inadequate you are. Then she does it, uses her obvious gift of ESP and reads your mind. “No matter how your relationship was with her, the problem wasn't you. You are worthy of another shot at happiness. I know when someone cheats on you, it's easy to feel like you are the problem, that you weren't enough, but that just not true.”_

_You rotate your hips, gently flipping your positions, and gaze down on her. “You’re so beautiful.” You know you mean in every way, mind body and soul, and you hope she knows it too. She smiles and you're one hundred percent sure you won't survive her. So in this moment you embrace it, you attempt to drown in everything she can give you. In this moment you decide to do what you haven't been doing the past four years, you decide to live._

“There's something else on your mind.”

“You're not supposed to use your powers in public, Clarke.” You joke, earning a smile and a shoulder nudge as you walk down the sidewalk back to the car after your lunch.

“So what is it? Huh? Spit it out.”

You just shake your head amusedly. “I just love you, that's all.”

“You're not fooling me.” You open her door for her, something you try to do often and she smiles softly before taking her seat. You stand next to her with the door still open and she raises a brow before turning back in her seat to face you. “Lex?”

“I knew when we met, the first time you smiled at me, that I would need you in my life. I forget to tell you just how much you mean to me. I know I tell you I love you everyday, but sometimes I feel it's not enough.” You lean in and kiss her softly. “I need you to know that you possess my very soul and I would never change a single moment of my life with you.”

The way she looks at you then, the complete awe written on her face, tells you she wasn't expecting you to get so sappy on her.  She leans forward and kisses you deeply. “Take me home, Lex.” You nod and do as she’s asked.

She's sitting on her side of the bed, still reading your novel. You're next to her, arms around her waist, head on top of her thigh as she strokes her fingers through your hair. This is the usual scene when she reads your work, you silently cling to her waiting for her approval. You’ve almost fallen asleep from her ministrations when she closes the booklet. You try to bury your head deeper in thigh, rubbing your forehead back and forth.

“Babe. Look at me.” She gently coaxes. You hate this part, not her review of the work, but the anticipation right before she says how she feels. You slowly lift your head off of her leg and her hand slips under your chin, cautiously raising your gaze to meet hers. “This is, by far, the best work you’ve ever done. I am so proud of you.”

You sigh out your relief with closed eyes and she leans in and places a soft kiss on your forehead.

 

The next day, your cousins come knocking. Well, they don't really knock, they use their key and shout their presence from your kitchen. You round the corner from the hall to find Lincoln raiding your fridge.

“I know for a fact that you can afford to buy your own food.”

“Yeah, but there has got to be some leftovers in here and you know how I feel about Clarke's cooking.” He finds a container and turns from the fridge to you as he opens it. “When did you have lasagna?”

You roll your eyes, but know it's a losing battle now that he's actually seen the food. “Saturday night.” He nearly squeals in excitement and pops the container in the microwave.

He turns and grabs a fork before speaking again. “Where is Clarke?”

“Client meeting.”

“So, how'd it go yesterday?” Anya asks from in front of your keurig and you really need to have a discussion with Clarke about changing the locks.

“Fine.” You shrug. “It's not like we're going to be friends or anything. She said her peace, I thanked her for leaving. It's done.”

Your cousins share a look before Anya continues the questioning. “You thanked her for leaving?”

“Yes.”

“Okay, I'll bite. Why?”

“If she hadn't I wouldn't have Clarke.” They both hum in understanding. Then you add to it. “Linc, you wouldn't have Octavia and Ahn, you might not have Raven. So yeah, I thanked her, and you should too.”

They both look at you, then cast their eyes down at the counter. It’s clear neither one of them thought about that. There is a thick, heavy silence between the three of you that's interrupted by the microwave just as it's getting awkward. You're pretty sure you hear Lincoln let our out a thankful sigh.

“How did she do it?” Anya nudges your arm and you know you look confused as to what she's talking about. “How did Clarke break through all that ‘love is weakness’ shit with you?” You stare at her for a second, because you really don’t know. One second you were alone, hating the world, surviving. Then the next, Clarke was there and she made you believe you deserved better than that.

So you say the only answer you can come up with, mostly because it’s true. “She just did. She’s my soulmate.”

_You were out with Anya last night, drinking and trying as hard as you possibly can to forget the ocean blue eyes that pierced through to your soul two weeks ago. She’s called you, three times in fact, and each time you let it go to voicemail. You tell yourself that it’s better this way, for both of you. She deserves more than you can give her, you don’t deserve the heartbreak of seeing her walk away when she ultimately realizes that. Now, your head is pounding with the after effects of your alcohol consumption and noise level of your fans as they chat in line, eager to meet you. Raven called you last week and insisted on one more signing stop here in LA. You begrudgingly agreed after she reminded you that you are the one that chose to write a book. You glance at your watch, sighing thankfully that your time is almost up._

_“You should really try to look like you’re enjoying yourself, not suffering endlessly at the hands of your fans.”_

_You don’t want to look up, because you know that voice, you know it’s her and you already feel your resolve crumbling. You do it anyway._

_“Hello Clarke. How did you know -”_

_“It’s called the internet, Lexa.” She smirks and shakes her head. “Besides, you were never going to call me back and I just don’t give up that easily when I want something.”_

_“You shouldn’t want me. I’m damaged goods. Why shop at the thrift store when you can afford designer?”_ _  
_ _She wrinkles her nose at your analogy, you can’t help but find it cute. “Sometimes, you find one of a kind designer pieces at the thrift store.” You stare at her, not completely sure that she’s real, you could very well finally be losing it. “Have dinner with me? Please? After, if you still think it’s a bad idea, I’ll drop it.”_

_You rub your temples, then give in. “Alright. Tonight though. I’ll meet you at Polaris at 7:30.”_

_“Really?” She asks, shock evident in her voice. “I mean. Yeah, okay. That works.” She turns to walk away then quickly turns back. “Oh, one more thing.” You raise a brow, then she hands you the book that was previously tucked under her arm. “Can you sign this for Octavia?”_

_Its 7:12pm and you are pacing a wear pattern into the hard wood in front of the door to your apartment. You picked a restaurant in walking distance to your place to give yourself ample time to freak out. It’s childish, and you know it. You take a deep breath and reach for the doorknob as your phone vibrates in your pocket. Thankful for the distraction, you pull it out and read it._

_[Clarke 7:13pm] I’m really hoping this dress isn’t going to waste and you aren’t thinking of standing me up._

_You smile at the message, then feel guilty for your hundreds of excuses you came up with to bail._

_[Lexa 7:14pm] Well now I have to see what all the fuss is about with the dress._

_She’s standing on the sidewalk outside of the restaurant when you stride up. You see her before she sees you and you are completely floored by her beauty. She’s wearing figure hugging a lacy navy dress with a plunging neckline. You swallow thickly before you move toward her, you reach out, softly touching her elbow and she jumps. Nearly sky high. At first you feel bad for startling her then you chuckle, which makes her pout. You have the urge to kiss the pout right off her face, and before you know it, you are. Your hands go to her waist and your lips are softly pressed to hers before you register that you haven’t even said hello. She pulls back and you chase her lips, not wanting this to end yet._

_“You are the queen of mixed signals, you know that?” She whispers, holding onto your jacket._

_Your thumbs brush her hips. “I’m sorry. I can’t control myself around you and it drives me crazy.”_

_“Do you just want to hook up? Because I don’t really think I want that.” You shake your head, because you really don’t. Before her, you hadn’t even entertained the thought of an actual date or even seeing the same girl again. With her it felt like you didn’t even have a choice._

_“The only thing I know is when I kiss you the rest of the world melts away. It’s just you and me, and I’m not this broken mess.”_

_She looks at you with concern. You can’t believe you’re having this conversation on the sidewalk in front of the restaurant. “What are you afraid of?”_

_“I’m not afraid, I know things.”_

_She hums, it sounds skeptical. “And what is it that you think you know?”_ _  
_ _You sigh. “I’m not enough for you, one day you’ll realize that and leave like she did and I’ll be even more broken than I am now.”_

_“There is no possible way you could know that. What makes you think you aren’t enough for me, huh?”_

_“I wasn’t enough for Costia.” You feel anger starting to build, you don’t want to argue with Clarke, but then again you don’t know what you want at all. You’re frustrated, yeah, that’s it. Frustrated._

_“Well, my name is Clarke, not Costia. We happen to be two different people. I’m sorry she hurt you, but her biggest mistake in life might just be the highlight of mine. So we’re going into this restaurant,” She’s poking you in the chest now, punctuating her points. “you’re buying me wine and dinner, and you’re going to fucking like it.” It’s commanding and demanding, and oh so sexy. You clench your jaw and stare her down, but she doesn’t relent. So you turn slightly and offer her your arm, and she smirks at you knowing she’s won. You like it, you really fucking like it._

_You wake up the next morning with your nose pressed into her hair and your arm around her slung protectively over her waist. You pull her a little bit closer to your body._

_“I’m not going anywhere.” Her voice startles you slightly, you didn’t expect her to be awake. You lessen your grip a little. “I didn’t say to let me go, I just said I wasn’t going.”_

_“Promise?” She turns in your arms, and your eyes meet for the first time that morning. You think you might just have a new favorite color. She trails her finger from your hand, up your arm then cups your cheek in her palm. She gently leans in, pressing her lips to yours, she whispers back._

_“I promise.” That’s when you break. The tears you have held in for the past four years pour out and there is no stopping them. Although, you don’t think you want to. This is the moment you needed, a baptism and rebirth if you will. You cry hard and she holds you, rubbing small circles in your back and pressing her lips to your forehead, as you lean into her chest._

_You wake, sometime later and she isn’t there. You reach for the sheet and splay your fingers across it. Cold. That’s what you feel, the coldness starts creeping back in, because she’s gone. You knew it was too good to be true. She was too good. You are to broken and she doesn’t want you. You start to sniffle again, feeling the tears come back._

_“Oh, good. You’re awake. I made us breakfast. You have a surprisingly well stocked kitchen.” You turn over and she’s there, holding a plate and there’s food on it. You know there is but you don’t register what it is, you’re moving too fast. You take the plate from her hand and place it on the bedside table then you stalk forward. You are on her in an instant and you’re not sure exactly which motions happen in which order but her legs are around your waist and you’ve got her back pressed into the dresser._

_“I know what I want. You.” You tell her between hot, passionate kisses._

_“You have me.”_

You hear the familiar jingle of keys as the door to the garage opens. Then the clack of Lucky’s nails on the hardwood floor. He bounds forward and tries his best to jump on you. You tell him not to jump, and squat down to pet his face.

“Hello Woods Clan.” Clarke greets as she rounds the corner into the kitchen. “Lincoln, are you eating my lasagna?” He looks at her with his mouth full, sauce apparent on lip and chin, and shakes his head no. She cocks her head to the side and puts her hands on her hips. “No, huh? So that red all over your face is what? The blood of your enemies?” Everyone laughs and you move to wrap your arms around her. “Hi, babe.”

“Hey.” You kiss her temple. “How was your meeting?”

“Good, I love owning my own gallery so I can make the rules and have Lucky there. You two staying long?” She points to your cousins.

“No, Linc and I have a meeting with Indra about buying more space to expand the gym. We were just leaving, actually.” They both move to leave.

“Ah ah. Lincoln.” Clarke points to the dish he used then to the dishwasher. “How does O live with you?” She shakes her head and chuckles.

Your cousins leave as quick and quiet as they came, but you don’t remove yourself from Clarke. You stand in the kitchen with her in your arms. She leans into you more and you know there is something she is thinking about. You don’t have the same powers as she does, but you know when she has something on her mind. “What’s up?”

“Hmm? Oh, I was just thinking.”

You squeeze a little tighter, feeling her relax against you. She’s quiet for a time, and you start to feel concern because you are the quiet, sort of broody one. She’s the bubbly, lively one. That’s why your relationship works so well, balance. She pulls away and faces you, and your concern only grows, but then she smiles.

“I want to have the talk. The baby talk.” She looks at you with hope sparkling in her eyes. God you love those eyes.

“Yeah, okay, let’s have the baby talk.”

“Really?” She nearly shouts, clearly excited. You shut down the talk three times before, stating different reasons. First it was too soon, second you both were too busy in your careers, third you just plain weren’t ready. This time though, this time you feel it’s right.

“Really.” You smile and she hugs you then pecks your lips.

“I love you so much, Lexa Griffin-Woods.”

“I love you more than anything, Clarke Griffin-Woods.”

**Author's Note:**

> What do you think? This was an interesting experiment for me.


End file.
